The Flavor of Love and Other Signs of the Apocalypse

Hello, my name Joel and I am a Flava Flav addict.

I started as a social "Flav-er" at parties, with friends. I used it to break the ice. "Did you see what Flav did last night. But then I started watching Flavor of Love alone. I'll admit it, I've turned down friends invitations to go to the movies or dinner because I knew Flav was coming on. I knew I had a problem though when I went into withdrawals after the reunion special finally came out of rotation on VH1. What would I do without Flav? How would I know what time it was?

The days passed, and eventually I got better. I even ventured out of the house. I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, but three weeks ago my hopes and dreams were crushed. As I lay on the couch watching The Fabulous Life of Dustin Diamond, I saw the clock. Flava Flav was back, and I couldn't' look away.

The Flavor of Love 2 has reignited my addiction and I might be worse that I ever was. I'm a man in need of help, I know that. But I'm not sure I want help. This might be the best show in the history of television.

For the uninitiated (and at this point if you haven't seen it, you must not have cable...or a television) The Flavor of Love is a quest to find Flava Flav, one of the founding fathers of the rap group Public Enemy, a woman. Sure there are countless women out there that would be with him for his money, or the fame, but Flav wants somebody that's "down for your boy" (I think that means 'loves him for who he is').

The first season ended with Flav choosing a lovely girl by the nickname of "Hoops" (all the girls get nicknames, mostly because Flav can't remember their real ones). But alas, "Hoops" and Flav "weren't like THAT" and now Flav is alone again.

Enter VH1 and the second season of the greatest show ever created, The Flavor of Love.

My Favorite Girls so far from Season Two of The Flavor of Love:

1. "Sapphire" (or whatever her name was) and her "Ricky Bobby Prayer" - "Dear Lord Jesus forgive me for whipping this b**** a** today, and forgive me for thinking about whipping it again." Later (when her prayers are interrupted) "You better quit interruptin' my prayers, 'fore Lord Jesus instructs me to beat yo' a**." Yes, it's a bit sacrilegious, but damn it's funny.

2. "Something" poops on herself, and (most impressively) the stairs in Flav's mansion. Her quote when asked about the incident, "What other girl could come in his house and s*** on his stairs, and still be here? What other girl could do somethin' like that? That s*** is original!" I tell you, that's not the way to my heart, but to each their own.

3. "Hood" tells Flav why she's "down for her boy," "I'm looking for someone I can grow with, you know spiritually. 'Cause I just got saved, and some people may think that's CRAZY, but it Ain't!" Flav is feeling her until, "And when you speak in tongues, that means you know you goin' to heaven, 'cause you confirmed!" Where else can you find a hood rat discussing Christian theology with Flava Flav? Hmmm? I thought so!

4. "Like Dat" (boy he gives great nicknames) is my new guru. Some of her teachings. "Not greedy, but greed. Success. Successful. Life is life." Words to live by, my lady.

5. "Tiger" is a white girl that is so pretty she can obviously avoid Flav's kiss, and still avoid elimination, at least once. Her defense was "I don't like kissing you after you kiss other girls." Did she see the first season of this show?

6. "Wire" when asked why she's after Flav responds, "I want dark babies." The other girls don't like that one very much, and one suggests, "If all you're lookin' for is dark babies, go pick up any crackhead on the corner and get you some dark babies." Gender, class, and race discussions at high levels indeed.

The Flavor of Love Season 2 continues Sunday nights on VH1.