Yamamma! Part Two of the Continuing Linguistic Tragedy

This is Part Two of Yamamma's story. If you haven't already read about Yamamma, then make sure and check out Part One!

When we last left our hero, Yamamma, the brave school boy of Lithuanian heritage was having a hard time making friends on his first day of school. The bus driver had yelled at him, and a boy by the name of David had pushed him out of his seat. Now alone and teary in the back row, Yamamma thought of his mother, Hismamma, and his father, Kissmighass. He knew he had to make them proud. And so Yamamma had not lost hope for his first day at school.

Yamamma, was very quiet for the whole bus ride, not wanting to upset anyone. As he saw strangers on the street he waved the traditional greeting finger of Lithuania at them, and some of them even waved it back. Others ran after the bus screaming but Yamamma didn't know what they were saying.

The bus had reached the school and all the students started filing off and heading to their classes. As Yamamma passed the bus driver, she yelled at him, "You better learn some manners before the next ride, Jack!"

"I am Yamamma. I don't know Jack," Yamamma said.

"Yeah and with a lip like that, you're gonna get suspended. Get outta here!"

Yamamma left the bus with his bag on his back, wondering what was wrong with his lip. There was a lady standing in the front door of the school telling children where to go as they came into the building.

"Hello. My name is Ms. Smith. What grade are you in?"

"The Kindergarten grade, Ms. Smith. This is my first day at school," Yamamma replied.

"What a nice young man. I wish the other children would be more well mannered like you. Your room is right over here."

Ms. Smith walked Yamamma to his classroom, patted him on the head and said, "Have a great day...I didn't even ask what your name was."

"Yamamma!" he said proudly.

Yamamma wasn't sure what Ms. Smith said, because she mumbled it a little bit, but he could tell she was not happy as she stomped away from his classroom. Yamamma thought to himself, "This might be harder than I thought." As he walked through the classroom door, a big boy leaning against the back wall of the classroom waved him over.

"Hey, I like your style, man. You really told Ms. Smith where to stick it." the boy stuck his hand out, Yamamma did the same, after a few moments of silence, the big boy grabbed his hand and shook it.

"My name is Roger. You sure are a weird looking kid."

"My mother tells me I take after my grandfather, but I've always thought I looked like Horsiesass."

"Who?" Roger asked a bit shocked.

"My cousin. Horsiesass," Yamamma answered.

"What kind of a name is Horse's ass?"

But apparently Roger had spoken out of turn. Because no sooner had he asked Yamamma about his cousin, than the teacher, a stern looking older woman, was dragging Yamamma's new friend out of the classroom.

"I can't believe it, not even five minutes into the school day and already such language! What do they teach you children at home?"

The class did not have time to hear Roger's response because he was already gone from the room. Yamamma wasn't sure why, but he made a decision not to mention any other family members for a while.

Class seemed boring to him. The teacher (he had discovered her name was Mrs. Cranberry) spent far too much time repeating herself, and was generally very focused on over pronouncing words. Yamamma knew he was a smart boy, Hismamma had told him so, but surely he was not that much more intelligent than the other children.

Scared after the incident with Roger, Yamamma had decided it would be best if he just stayed quiet for a while, and other than one particular easy question about the weather, he was never called on. Finally a bell rang, and Mrs. Cranberry said, "CHIL-D-REN (She spoke awfully slowly, and far too loud). IT IS NOWUH, TIME FOR LA-UNCH! FOLLOW ME."

And so they did. Yamamma waited in line with his tray, realising for the first time that he actually was quite hungry. He had lot's to choose from: globs of meaty-looking red stuff, hamburgers (that only looked partially stale) and his favorite food in the world, yummyumm! He wondered how they knew about Lithuanian dishes here, but he couldn't contain his excitement as the cafeteria lady asked him what he'd like to eat.

"Yummyumm," he answered.

The cafeteria lady mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like, "Oh, Jesus. Kindegardeners, they might as well be monkeys." and then shouted. "JUST POINT AT WHAT YOU WANT!" She then added under her breath, "And they say video games don't rot the brain."

Yamamma didn't know what a video game was but he pointed at the yummyumm, and she scooped it up for him.

"MACKIN CHEEZ!" she said loudly. "Next time ask for Mackin cheez!"

Yamamma nodded hoping that she wouldn't yell anymore. He took his tray with the yummyumm (which he would now try to remember to call mackin cheez) and began to look for a seat. He feared a repeat of the incident on the bus, when David (who he had so hoped would be his friend) pushed him off the seat. As he scanned the tables for a place to sit alone, he heard a pretty voice behind him.

"Do you need a place to sit?"

Yamamma turned and saw a pretty little girl sitting all by herself. She wore a pretty blue dress and had a bow in her hair. But the best thing about her was what was on her tray, yummyumm (mackin cheez). She had good taste, that much was clear.

"Do you need a place to sit?" the girl asked again.

"Well, I'm not sure I should. The last time I sat with someone else they pushed me down."

"Well I won't push you down. Come on, sit down. My name's Joanie. What's your name?"

"Yamamma!" he replied.

"Her name's Claire. What's yours?" Joanie asked again.

"Yam..." Yamamma began to think back on the days events. First his mother, Hismamma, had told him people wouldn't like him for his name. Then when he had told David his name, David pushed him down. The bus driver, and Ms. Smith had both seemed mad at him, when he mentioned his name. Maybe he should use his nickname instead.

"Mammy. My name is Mammy."

"Well, Mammy. Sit here and we can eat lunch together."

For the first time, Yamamma had a friend. He finally thought he might enjoy school. But little did he know what awaited him, that night. When Hismamma and Kissmighass would come to the school for Parent Teacher Open House.

Coming soon to a blog near you: Yamamma! A Linguistic Tragedy Part Three -- Kissmighass and Hismamma come to School.