Tayadore Goosel: The Return of Stupid

It's bonus blog Friday! Wooohoooo! I know you're excited, don't try to contain it.

I work as a DJ (like on the radio, not spinning the jams at a rave, as my profile says). I've written a couple of times before about my experiences on the air and off. If you are a recent member of the Drunken Rogue fanclub then perhaps you missed the previous installments. Here they are for your own convenience. Part One: The Man who Changed My Life, Tayadore Goosel, and Part Two: Tayadore Goosel has Left the Building. Make sure and read those first if you haven't already or re-read if you're a little shaky on what they entailed. It's comic gold.

It's time to re-visit the world of the Drunken DJ, as in the past two weeks I've had to deal with a someone I hadn't heard from in a while (I was beginning to wonder if she had read my blog), Susy. Of course it goes without saying, that name's have been changed to protect the innocent (and simple-minded).

Susy is one of our best listeners. She also loves to win stuff. Free lunch, movie rentals, cd's, rodeo tickets, parking passes, gas cards. You name it she's won it...or at least gave it the old "trade school try." Susy may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but what she lacks in intelligence she makes up for with a complete naivete. Monday a week ago, we were having "Free Music Monday" we gave away free cd's all day long. Another contest we ran that day was to win a pair of tickets to the local community theatre's latest play.

I didn't have any theatre tickets to give away that day, but I did have several cd's. The second time I go to give one away, who should be my fifth (the winning) caller? Susy.

Drunken Rogue: (Radio Station Name Deleted) Who's this?

Susy: Susy. Am I caller number...the right...did I win?

DR: You sure did, Susy. You're caller number five, you won a copy of the latest Alan Jackson Cd, "Like Red on a Rose." It's all part of "Free Music Monday." Tell everybody who made you a winner!

Susy: (Radio Station Deleted)

Now that's the stuff, that I put on air. Of course as soon as I got her to say the station name I turned of her mike (and mine) and got her info for the winner's slip.

DR: Hey, Susy, I need to get some info from you okay?

Susy: I don't think I'm eligib..I don't think I can win this thing.

DR: Why not, Susy?

Susy: Well, I done won some tickets to that movie thing today.

DR: You won "Movie Mania"? (movie mania is my afternoon contest, for blockbuster rentals)

Susy: Naw, I won some tickets to that movie thing over there.

DR: You won tickets to the movie theater?

Susy: Yeah.

DR: We didn't give any movie theater tickets away today. (finally making the connection) Oh, did you win tickets to the community theatre?

Susy: Yeah, the movie theater.

DR: No, Susy, you won tickets to the COMMUNITY theatre. You know...like a play?

Susy: Oh, yeah. I won that, so I can't win this.

DR: No, it's okay Susy. Winning one doesn't mean you can't win the other. You just can't win a cd now for another couple of months.

Susy: Ok...well, bye.

DR: No, Susy, wait. You won this cd. I'm just saying you can't win another one for a couple of months.

Susy: Oh, alright.

I took Susy's information, gave her directions (again) to the radio station, and explained to her that all she had to do to get her play tickets was show up, and tell them she won. She was very excited (although I got the distinct impression she still thought she was going to a movie).

Today, at lunch, I was all alone in the building (other than the on air DJ). This means I was answering the phone. Guess who called.

DR: Thanks for calling the Radio Center, this is Joel.

Susy: Yeah, I won some movie thangs the other day, and I need to know if they're still good or what.

DR: (Not quite comprehending) Do you mean you haven't picked them up yet, you want to make sure we still have them?

Susy: Yeah, I won the movie thangs, I want to know if they are still good.

DR: Okay, what's your name? (how could I not recognize that voice?)

Susy: Susy.

DR: (waiting patiently, but finally asking) Your last name?

Susy: Mckenzie.

DR: Just a second, Susy.

Now, we give a lot of stuff away. Mostly its small stuff. Gift cards, tickets, coupons. That stuff all goes in this filing folder, alphabetically. For bigger prizes (cd's, t-shirts, etc.) we have a separate holder. Now I looked and looked but I couldn't find any "movie thangs" with Susy's name on them.

DR: Susy. You said you won "Movie Mania?"

Susy: No, I won movie tickets.

DR: This was last week?

Susy: Yep.

DR: Well, ma'am, we didn't give away any movie tickets last week. I'm sorry, but just can't seem to find any tickets with your name on them. Are you sure you didn't come and get them?

Susy: No, I ain't come and got 'em yet. I won a cd and some movie thangs--

DR: (immediately realizing who I'm talking to, and reaching for the cd box) Ok, Susy. I remember you winning now. Here I've found your cd. But, Susy, you didn't win movie tickets. Remember? You won tickets to the community theatre.

Susy: Yeah, movie tickets.

DR: No, Susy. Tickets to a play. But we didn't have those tickets you just needed to go to the theatre and tell them you won. They had your tickets.

Susy: So, I'll just go to the theatre and, I can see a movie.

DR: No, Susy, a play. But it's over now. It was last week.

Susy: I can't go see the next one?

DR: No, Susy, they won't have another play for several weeks.

Susy: Well, that place doesn't make very much money, does it? Alright, well, I guess I'll just try to win again next time. Hey, do I still get my cd?

DR: Yes, ma'am. Just come by sometime between 8am and 5pm and you can pick it up. Ok?

Susy: Alright, bye.

I know this looks like it must be a massive exaggeration for humorous purposes, but this is almost word for word how our conversations went. Susy is not alone, either. At least half of my day is talking to...well, let's just say "special" people. It makes me wonder if classic rock stations deal with the same thing.