From the Vaults of the Drunken Rogue: Who the Hell is the Drunken Rogue?

As the New Year approaches, I've decided to highlight some of my earlier pieces in a series I'm calling "From the Vaults of the Drunken Rogue." Today however it occurs to me that the piece I wanted to repost today is not very good. So forget that.

In early March of 2006 A.D. (for those that worried about what epoch I was referring to), I embarked on a new experiment. The result of that experiment is this blog (and the makings of a book as well). The first post was what I intended to give you today, but as mentioned earlier it's just not good. So instead I contemplated what I would write as an introduction to the blog if I was just starting today. Taking into account all I've learned over the last year, my viewpoint, execution and punctuation are all vastly improved. So here now, for the first time ever:

Who the Hell is the Drunken Rogue?

The path of the Drunken Rogue is one that I didn’t embark on lightly. It was only after a significant period of self-reflection and ingestion of various purative agents that I decided to take on the mantle of “Drunken Rogue.” I had previously held the title (or nom de plume as the Germans would have it) “The Inebriated Scallywag.” It was definitely a promotion for me, but was I selling out?

Eventually my pride (and the persistence of my creditors) pushed me to pursue a higher position and more consistent (ie. existent) compensation. So it was with a heavy heart (and an empty pocket) that I took on the persona of “The Drunken Rogue”.

If I had remembered that my three year contract as the “Inebriated Scallywag” was not yet expired, I might have thought better of it. I owed some three hundred dollars and change as an early termination penalty. Damn fine print. It will be sometime in my third year as “The Drunken Rogue” when I finally break even.

I said all that to say this, I’m glad to be here and look forward to an interesting (and possibly enlightening) journey. As a reader you have a million different places to seek entertainment, education, and environmentally friendly dissertations. But nowhere else on this great digital page called the internet will you find those things from me. As a writer I’ve only got this one place that will print my stuff. Now we both know why we are here, that makes things a lot clearer. Ah, the introductions:

Who is the Drunken Rogue?

The Drunken Rogue is more than a man, it’s an idea. Realistically, I have no idea what difference it makes but poetically that sounds better.

But who are you?

The aforementioned Drunken Rogue, a humble servant of the words. But on a personal level, I’m a writer who moonlights (or would that be daylights) as a DJ. I’m married (and ridiculously in love with) a beautiful woman, and am contemplating a retreat to Europe (I hear that’s where the history comes from).

Why do we care what you have to say?

Sure, there are others with more experience, expertise, foresight, afterthought, imagination, ability and, without a doubt, talent. But those people are only pretenders. You are a discerning reader, one who can cut through the surface levels of nonsense and see the true uselessness that lies within. That, my friends, has brought us together. Because doubtlessly, no one oozes uselessness like me.

What are you going to write about?

My articles (or exposés as the Koreans refer to them) will deal with a broad range of the most intellectual stimulating subjects. From the events of the day, to modern and classical politics. From ancient history and philosophical discussions of the origin, purpose and meaning of life to treatise on the symbology of American football. Mostly I’ll write humor pieces.

How can I get more of your writing?

That’s the problem with true genius. Once you’ve tasted it, a habit is likely to form. Fear not, the Drunken Rogue has foreseen this problem and has decided to write for a full year before ever publishing this letter of introduction. Now you’re so far behind on reading his brand of wisdom that you’ll no doubt never completely catch up. That means that, for you, there is always something new to read. Kind of me isn’t it. You can thank me later for now leave me some kudos.