All About Babies...

**I would like to preface today's blog with the following advisory: Nothing you read below should be used in any way to extrapolate some idea about my (or Mrs. Rogue's) present situation or future goals. We are not pregnant and do not intend to get that way anytime soon. Thank you for your attention. We now return you to our regularly scheduled blog already in progress.**

I'm surrounded by babies.

It seems that literally everywhere I look there are small, round faces covered in some combination of spit and dried cereal paste just waiting for me to smile at them. No, I'm not talking about my volunteering at the Nursing home (nothing like a cheap old-person joke), I'm talking about the fact that everyone I know seems to have completely adorable (if not always totally sanitary) children. (Yes, I am aware that the preceding sentence is a gross exaggeration. Not all of my friends, and definitely not all of my readers have children. Please feel free to accept this as a response to your unsent and unnecessary rebuttal to my misleading and incorrect assertion found above.)

I'm crazy about kids (did the unsanitary comment earlier make you think otherwise?), and cannot wait to have some of my own (this is also patently false. I can, and will, wait). In the meantime I have a handful of loaners that I can borrow for an hour or two from time to time to get my fill of "peek-a-boo" and "this little piggy" (will that last little piggy ever learn life's cruel nature and toughen up?).

It occurred to me the other day (during an excursion northward to see Mama and Papa Rogue) that several of my Junior Fan Club Members are celebrating (or just did, or are about to) milestones and deserve some recognition. What better forum for such praise than this little corner of cyberspace where tens of people come everyday (or as often as I send them a MySpace message) to hear the latest from the desk of the Drunken Rogue?

Without further ado the Rogues (or more appropriately, Roguettes) of Tomorrow:

3. Little Ava celebrates first birthday, and the cementing of her hold over the people of Greater Baton Rouge. -- Ava Gardner was the perfect combination of class and beauty. She captivated movie-goers and A-List movie stars alike. To wear a name with that kind of history takes gumption, and Ava has plenty to spare (requests for Ava's excess gumption should be addressed to her parents). In between meetings with city leaders, Ava managed to squeeze in a small celebration with family and friends where she demolished a lovely birthday cake (I don't mean she ate it quickly, I mean she literally destroyed it. Next year, Mommy and Daddy will make sure to get chocolate). Happy Birthday Ava!

2. Baby Ella celebrates first year with coolest name ever. -- Mrs. Rogue, for those not in the know, has (in my humble opinion) one of the most perfect names ever, Ella. So when her best friend had her first child what other name could possibly do? Florida has gone so far as to implement a mandate that every strikingly beautiful girl baby born there must be named Ella. Cute little boys must accept the title of Ellic (which is as close as they could get it without sounding weird). Other states are expected to follow. Ella the Lesser (lesser here meaning smaller and younger, not in any way less cool) is currently in her studio deeply involved in her "blue phase" creating what many believe to be the pinnacle of the finger-paint medium. When asked for a reflection on her first year as an Ella, she responded, "Gooh guh ga, gaaah go gabble gow." Which, roughly translated means, "I simply stand on the shoulders of giants." Gubbaw ga google, gessl! (Translates to, "Happy Birthday, Ella!)

1. Niece Sara (or Princess Consuela Banana Hammock as Mrs. Rogue likes to call her) says Aunt Ella's name for the first time. -- While her verbal skills currently rank somewhere in the upper 15th percentile of this years College Freshmen, thus far Sara has decided to keep most of that Verbal brilliance bottled up. Not wasting time on sharing her thoughts with the rest of us, she is instead focusing on polishing her first rock opera (entitled, I believe, "Requiem for a Runny Nose") and finishing her soon to be published memoir, "Sara's Pain: The Teething Years". However, as busy as she is, Sara decided that an Aunt as cool as Mrs. Rogue had to be acknowledged as an equal and threw her a "shout-out" on the car ride home with Mommy. There is currently no word on her opinions of this blog. Say it with me now, Sara, Un-cle Ro-gue!