Merry Christmas to Me!

On March 3rd, 2006 I signed up for the original "Blogger" (which has just recently been replaced by the much cooler "Blogger"). I had heard so much about this new (well, it was new to me anyway) form of writing that allowed anyone to put their opinions out their in cyberspace. It was only a couple of days later that I created my MySpace page (only after discovering my buddy Richard had joined the MySpace masses).

I still love my Blogger page (especially the new redesign) but I have found myself focusing more and more on MySpace. Why is that? First and foremost, it's easier to promote myself there. My friends (and their friends) are already logging onto MySpace just about everyday, it is very simple to direct them over to my latest post. Also there is something about MySpace that truly does invoke the feeling of a personal "space" on the web. Blogger (as of now) does not give this same feeling (not that it is necessarily trying). Until I open drunkenrogue.com, MySpace is the closest thing I have to a home on the net. Welcome to my house.

It's been just over nine months since I first logged on to MySpace. I logged on this afternoon and this is what my Blog stat tracker looked like:

Joel

	Today	Week	Total
Posts	0	2	146
Comments	6	16	1210
Views	44	251	10004
Kudos	3	9	476

For the graph-challenged, that says that in my nine months of blogging I have written 146 blogs (not counting this one), those blogs have been read a total of 10,004 times (not counting the dozens of times I read my own, unfortunately I can't give myself stats). Those 146 blogs have received 1,210 comments and almost 500 kudos (tsk, tsk, you gotta kudo with your comment). I can't say thank you enough.

I never thought that I'd get this sort of response when I started blogging. My goal was to inspire myself to write more. I wanted a consistent deadline and some immediate feedback. I got that and much much more. To those of you that have been reading from the very beginning (Mom, Ella, Ellie, Nicholas) you started this as much as I did. It was you mentioning my blogs to friends and family that has given me such a large audience so quickly. Kudos to you. To the strong supporters that jumped in a little later (Deanne, Bro. Nick, Fox, Allison) you guys rock. Thanks for all the votes in what was a silly (but exciting) competition. To Jena, my beloved sister, thanks for always "forgetting" the kudos. You force me to reach extra hard for the funny, in hopes that I'll pry that praise right out of your clinched little hand.

Now, since it is the holiday season I thought I'd give you my wish list this Christmas (I promise this one has nothing to do with the Wii!

1. A new job. -- No, I'm not trying to run out on my current one, or even implying that I'm currently unhappy. Ella is approaching graduation, we are contemplating a move somewhere new, and I wish with all my might that I will find gainful employment. It would be great if someone would hire me to write (anybody looking for a writer?), but all I really require is a safe work environment, health benefits, and a fair salary. Santa are you listening?

2. A house with a dishwasher. -- For those of you that have visited the Rogue home, you know in a lot of ways it's awesome. Ella and I like so many things about our house, but the lack of modern conveniences as they relate to dish de-dirtification is completely unacceptable. The next one (in that mysterious somewhere new place) will hopefully remedy this problem.

3. Time with my family. -- I'm really excited about the upcoming Christmas weekend, and only partly because I'm gonna get some new stuff. I love giving and receiving presents but the real fun of the holidays is playing cards with your loved ones, watching football and basketball with my Dad and Aunt, going for coffee and beignets with D and Merrit, and sure the bonus Christmas cash from Gran and Gramps doesn't hurt my Christmas spirit!

4. Affordable plane tickets. -- Mrs. Rogue and I are taking this show on the road, as we've already told you. We're currently planning a trip to Europe in May to visit Richard and Allie and see all that old stuff that they keep in Europe. Here's a big holiday wish for cheap flights there and back. The cheaper the plane ride the more wine and cheese Mrs. Rogue can buy while we're there.

5. A book deal. -- Most of my other wishes are sort of touchy feely (or at least not really selfish) so I thought I'd throw in one just for me. Sometime in the next three to four months my first novel will be finished (the first draft, anyway). After a few edits, I'm gonna start pimping it out with a vengeance. It would be nice if this time next year, someone else was actually posting my Christmas wishes because I was too busy with a book signing or some such. What can I say I'm an optimist.

Merry Christmas to all of you. Wherever you are and wherever you spend the holidays I hope your Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or just plain Monday, is as merry as I intend to make mine.

Coming next week: From the Vaults of the Drunken Rogue: The Best of 2006 'cause if you haven't read it, it's new to you!

Merry Christmas from Corporate: The Office Christmas Party

As long as there has been Christmas and corporations there have been office Christmas parties. The first official office Christmas parties were held by members of the Roman army shortly after Constantine accepted Christianity and therefore made Rome a Christian nation. These guys were willing to follow their Emperor into a new religion, but they had lived their whole lives as pagans, they were not about to forget the fun they had had during the festival of the Sun (Winter Solstice for those not in the know). So Constantine (being the slick mover and shaker he was) decreed that the official celebration of our Savior's birth would just happen to coincide with the old tradition of the festival of the Sun. This pleased the Roman soldiers greatly. They could get loaded on mead and wine, hit on the cute girls from the stone chiseling office and still feel like they were good Christians since they were doing it all in the name of Christmas (Nobody said that the Romans made GOOD Christians).

The next heyday for office Christmas parties was during England's Imperial period. Companies like the East India Trading Company ruled England with money and they were quickly buying up the entire undeveloped world. They also threw a hell of an office party. While their Hallow's Eve party was quickly discontinued (due to fear of burning for practice of witchcraft), their Christmas parties are recalled in such classic literary works as "Bombed Out of Thy Mind" by the hero of Jamestown, John Smith, and "Rendevous with the Secretary 'Neath the Mistletoe" by the explorer Sir Francis Drake. It's a little difficult to cut through the middle English and get to the really juicy parts, but if you dig Shakespeare and keg stands these books are for you.

The office Christmas party has continued as a hallowed (and horrible) tradition until this very day. Last night the popular NBC program "The Office" (aptly titled don't you think?) had it's second "Christmas party episode" in three seasons. If you've never been to an office Christmas party (which probably means you don't have a job, you slacker!), then this show would have served as an adequate primer in what you can expect to find at one. Alcoholic drinks, finger foods, cheesy decorations, people who drink too much, people who do not drink enough, awkward flirtation between one of the male employees and one of the female employees, and likely somebody will cry. Maybe they'll cry because they've had too much to drink. Maybe they'll cry because they've just been dumped and it's sad to be alone on the holidays. Maybe, they'll cry because they've just been fired for xeroxing their butt. All of these are acceptable (and quite possible) reasons to cry.

I will be attending my own office Christmas party tonight. It is likely to be my last Christmas party at this particular job (Mrs. Rogue is graduating and we're planning a move, remember?). Since I'm married (and they're are only two girls below forty that work at the station anyway) it is highly unlikely that I (or anyone else for that matter) will get into the awkward flirting. There will be real food (we're traveling to a nice restaurant instead of bringing finger foods) so someone is likely to significantly overeat. It's also very likely that someone will get too drunk and make a fool of themselves. I've got my fingers crossed that's not me, although if I was going to do it, this year would be the time to do it. I AM on my way out anyway.

For those of you that are not lazy slackers, I hope you enjoy your office Christmas party. Drink, but don't drink too much. Flirt, but don't be weird about it. And no matter what your friends tell you, it is not a good idea to xerox your butt. Don't ask me how I know, but butt prints are just as identifiable as fingerprints. And besides, that glass top on the xerox machine will NOT hold very much weight. Merry Christmas, from me and mine to you and yours.