Come Buy the Drunken Rogue's Crap!

Boy, I love a garage sale. If they held them at four-thirty in the afternoon (preferably inside or at least on a very mild day) then I would go all the time. Generally, they are very early (the Drunken Rogue does his best work after noon) and almost always on a particularly warm (sometimes even rainy) Saturday.

This Saturday (Lord, keep the rain away) Mr. and Mrs. Rogue (with an assist from Sister Rogue, Mother Rogue, Mother Rogue-in-law, and extended family) are throwing a little garage sale of our own. You'll find all manner of crap, from the large (furniture) to the very small (video games, and books) with just about everything in between. And, since you know that Mrs. Rogue and I have excellent taste, you know our crap is worth coming to check out. If you happen to be in the area this weekend (Saturday morning, doors open at 6:30) then stop on by, and cart off some of our former treasures at bargain prices. If you're not in the area, but within driving distance, come on down (our stuff is THAT good)! If you'd have to fly to get here, you should probably stay put (nobody's stuff is THAT good).

You can find us at 503 Spencer Street, Ruston, Louisiana. If you're around, but don't know where that is (over by the Ruston High Tennis Courts) leave me a comment and I'll hook you up with directions.

"Why the sale?" you may ask, and with good reason. Everyone knows I'm a pack rat (it was the name of my childhood club, for goodness sake). There are two reasons, primarily, for the impending sale of all my Earthly possessions (minus my TV, you can't have my TV):

1. 'Cause I don't want to carry this old stuff all the way to our new house. -- In with the new, out with the old. It's a whole cyclical thing, man.

2. 'Cause when we get to the new house, we're gonna want to buy new stuff, and that costs money. -- You exchange your money for our old stuff, we exchange your money for our new stuff. Again, cyclical.

There is an unspoken bonus that you get going to a garage sale that people often overlook (or at least never mention to me). You get to rummage through other people's lives without any social repercussions. Have you ever wondered what your neighbor and his wife are REALLY like? Well, dig through the stuff they're throwing out (no, not there day old Chinese takeout!) and you'll start to get a pretty good handle on them. It's always fun to look at their clothes, too. You can see what horrible fashion fads they have finally decided to give up on (my current goodbye is short-sleeved Hawaiian shirts) and what clothes they are selling brand-new because they know they're never going to lose the weight necessary to squeeze into them (I'm selling three brand new shirts from "Express for Men"). Sure, you've got to get up early, but now you've got a little private smile every time you see the person and picture them in those gold parachute pants. You just can't put a price tag on that kind of humor.

But we have put price tags on all my junk. So, come on down, and sift through the shattered remnants of the Drunken Rogue's life.

The Drunken Rogue Unplugged

Heroes, and Lost, and Studio 60. Deadwood, Sopranos, Scrubs and The Office. 24, Black Donnellys. These are a few of my favorite things. And they are all about to dry up and blow away. No, not all of them are getting canceled (Studio 60 and the Black Donnellys probably are). I've just had my cable turned off.

This is a big step for me. I knew that planning a trip out of the country in May would mean that I would miss the final episodes of all my favorite shows. It seemed like a small price to pay for seeing the world. I also knew that our impending move would mean that the utilities (and yes, cable TV is a utility in my opinion) would all get shut off sooner or later. I just had originally planned on later.

It makes perfect sense that we cut it off now. We just entered a new billing cycle so instead of paying another $90 for the next four weeks (weeks we'll be spending a large portion of our time packing anyway) we'll pay about $15 and just have to watch DVD's and downloaded shows for the next month. With me in rehearsals every night for "Zorro" it really is the only thing that makes sense. That doesn't mean I have to like it.

It's not just the latest episode of "Boston Legal" that I'll be losing by disconnecting. We also get our Internet connection from our cable company. This may in fact be more painful than the loss of TV. In case you haven't noticed I spend a great deal of time on the Internet. I blog, therefore I am (that's an exaggeration, but if Descartes were alive today, it might also be a famous philosophical musing). What will I do without the Internet?

Probably be a lot more productive and helpful at home. Ella and I are planning for a garage sale (come get your Drunken Rogue paraphernalia!) this weekend and after that we have to pack, both for our trip to Europe and our move to New Orleans. God knows I've got more important stuff to do than goof off online, but the idea that I'm not going to have the option is a little troubling. I still have the Internet at work, so I'll be able to answer emails, post my daily blogs (written in a word processor at home now and uploaded from a memory stick), even check out the occasional pop culture story. But it won't be like it was before. The Drunken Rogue is going into Internet hibernation.

The First Five Things The Drunken Rogue Will Do When He Gets Reconnected

1. Download the entire last season of the Sopranos. -- Tony's back, but only for nine episodes. Anybody could get whacked!

2. Upload the remaining journals from my European excursion. -- If you thought I was interesting when I'm talking about sitting at home watching TV, just wait to I've actually done something. I might just blow your mind.

3. Watch the first season of "Heroes" in a marathon including the last three episodes I will have missed. -- "I'm not a hero. You know whose a hero? Hiro. From "Heroes".

4. Write a blog decrying the shortsighted nature of NBC in canceling (I'm sure it will have happened by then) "Studio 60" Aaron Sorkin's latest drops of genius. -- Ah, Bradley Whitford. I knew him well.

5. Get on a message board and complain about Fox dropping the ball with the promotion and scheduling of "Drive" which will by that time also be cancelled. -- This one's not even on the air yet (Four hour premier event Sunday and Monday night) but it's created by Tim Menear ("Angel", "Wonderfalls", "The Inside" and "Firefly") and stars Nathon Fillion ("Firefly") so I'm guessing they air a total of six episodes (probably out of order) before canning this one. I haven't even seen the show and I'm already mad about it.

The fateful day is Friday. A day that will live in infamy, for at least as long as it takes me to get to New Orleans and hook up the cable down there. I'm trying to store up all the electronic goodness, reading a little extra of all my favorite websites. I've got my rabbit ears on top of the TV already, just waiting to leap into action. But for now, I'm watching "The Price is Right" because if I'm going unplugged I might as well do it with a class act like Bob Barker.