The Birthday Boy: What a Rogue Wants

26 years now behind me I feel that I've gained some insight into life's larger questions and mysteries. I could share some of that insight and wisdom with those of you less fortunate, but that's not what this blog is about. This blog is for my Birthday wish list. Take note, people. There are still about 15 shopping hours in the day and UPS overnights.

1. A kid -- You wanna talk about a sneaky wife? I hadn't even made this list and Ella goes snooping around figures out my number one birthday wish and delivers...well not right away, but soon. I've got a keeper!

2. Guitar Hero III for the Nintendo Wii -- Sure, you may say to yourself, how can he put those two back to back? Well, the truth is, if we hadn't just found out we were pregnant, GHIII probably would have beaten out the kid for the number one spot. I mean, come on, the guitar is WIRELESS! What more do you need? But I slid it on down to numero deuce. I thought it would be rude to put a video game above the person I'm trying to name right now, you know?

3. Peace in the Middle East -- I would have said "world peace" but truthfully there are parts of the world that I'm just not that worried about. Besides, I heard Will Smith say this one time on an awards show about twenty years ago (when we knew him as the Fresh Prince) and it sounded so cool I filed it away for later. Well, it's later!

4. A Better Job -- That's really not true. I love the job I have. I would just like it (or one very much like it) to pay better. The cool part is that other than getting a kid (which is pretty much a certainty at this point, have you seen Ella's belly?) this one is the most likely to happen. There is a promotion brewing for this Rogue. I can smell it.

5. To Never Have Hemorrhoids Again -- I'm not sure if it was the universe's early 26 birthday present or if it was just sympathy pains for some of what Ella's going through, but after 25 blissful years with my butt, I got my first hemorrhoid this week. No matter what Sesame Street told you (you didn't see that episode?) H is not for hemorrhoid and they are NOT ANY FUN! Thank God it's gone now, but I'm reading WebMD and rubbing my lucky rabbit's foot to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

6. A Win for the Saints -- Yes, I'm a huge Saints fan, but this definitely falls below no future hemorrhoids. After last years great season, I thought all the talk of curses and superstition were over, but here we are again 0-2 and facing a tough Tennessee team at the dome this Monday night. Since I live in New Orleans now, I have officially become a Voodoo master and I'm throwing good gris gris all over Deuce, Reggie, Brees and Colston this week. Those boys better get it done, or next week the city's chickens are gonna be in deep trouble (see that's a chicken sacrifice joke, there).

7. NBC's New Fall Lineup to Last -- Everybody knows how I feel about "Heroes", "The Office", "My Name is Earl" and "Scrubs". Well, thanks to Cox On Demand, I got to see "The Bionic Woman", "Journeyman" and "Chuck" this week before they actually air. "Bionic Woman" is the one I had the highest hopes for and largely I think it delivers. Just like "Battlestar Gallactica" it takes a show that had a great concept but was really cheesy and turns it into a cool sci-fi drama. "Journeyman" I didn't expect to like, but it was well written, even better acted and shot beautifully. "Chuck", on the other hand, I might actually cry if it doesn't make it. Not only is the concept (geek becomes super spy when nation's secrets are downloaded into his head) awesome, but Zachary Levi is really funny. He sort of reminds me of Zach Braff when "Scrubs" first started. Also Adam Baldwin (from "Firefly" and "Serenity") is in this and if any one in Hollywood deserves a good weekly spot on America's TV sets, it's him. Please, ladies and gentlemen, make it so.

Well, that about does it. Go out pick up those items (not to sure what you can do about the hemorrhoids thing, maybe just send me good thoughts?) or watch those TV shows or whatever it takes to get it done. You don't wanna let the Rogue down on his birthday, do you?

OH! I forgot, one more thing...

8. Life Size Version of Donkey Kong --

So I'm Turning Into My Father? Well, There are Worse Things I Could Be...

We take a break from our regularly scheduled blogging to honor the man that largely made me what I am today...well, he was there at the very beginning anyway.

Today my Dad, Jimmy Everette, turns 60. And I have to say it's been an eventful six decades. In 1947 President Truman announced the "Truman Doctrine" designed to stop the spread of Communism, Jackie Robinson became the first African-American to play in the Major Leagues, the United States Air Force was formed using branches of the Army and Navy and Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier. People born in 1947 include: David Bowie, Jack Hanna, Laura Schlessinger, Nolan Ryan, Farrah Fawcett, Edward James Olmos, Rob Reiner, Billy Crystal, Ry Cooder, Emmy Lou Harris, David Letterman, Kareem Abdul-Jabaar, Dave Barry, Arlo Guthrie, Arnold Schwarzenegger, David Mamet and Stephen King. Not a bad group to be in.

These people were old enough to be awestruck when the first man walked on the moon. They've seen not only the birth of the Internet, but the explosion of the computer itself. They've watched television go from black and white to color to high definition, not to mention from 13 inches to over 50. They lived through the red scare (started in 1947), the race wars, the Vietnam War, Watergate, a Presidential assassination (and several more attempts), an impeachment, Republican majorities, Democratic majorities, recessions, bubbles, gas shortages and literally everything in between. They've got stories to tell, and it's an awful shame that we don't listen more often. They are the most successful, most diverse, longest living generation in American history (if not World history). They're a hard act to follow, and they expect a lot out of us. But they've provided a pretty good road map to follow.

On his sixtieth birthday, I want to say thanks to my Dad. Thanks for working hard. Thanks for the free room and board those first eighteen years, I probably wouldn't have made it without them. Thanks for the gas money, and groceries while I was in college. Thanks for standing and taking it (without getting your feelings hurt) when I got a little education and decided that you were backward and simpleminded. Thanks for not rubbing it in when I realized I was wrong. Thanks for setting a good example of a life well lived, with friends and family ahead of success and possessions. Thanks for loving Mom, and showing me that being a good husband is hard work but delivers one of the biggest rewards life has to offer.

Thanks for pushing me to achieve, even when I thought you were pushing in the wrong direction. Thanks for reminding me of the direction when I lost my way. Thanks for instilling a love and reverence for the written word, and those that lay it out. Without it, I'd probably be an accountant, and while my bank account may be a little more full, my reader's inboxes would be empty. Hmmm, on second thought maybe I won't thank you for that one.

Thanks for coming to see me in plays, even though you had little interest in Theatre. Thanks for taking me hunting, even though I had little interest in the outdoors. Thanks for your persistence, though some call it stubbornness. It wore off, and it's won me a lot of fights over the years. Thanks for occasionally losing an argument, and thanks for admitting it when you were wrong. It means so much more coming from someone like you or me.

Mostly, thanks for being around. I know now, that not every one's Dad is. At every stage of my life it's been helpful to know, no matter how badly I fail at something, I've always got a safe place to land. Thanks for providing the safe place.

Happy birthday, Dad. I hope you don't feel any older today than you did yesterday, and no older next year than you do right now. If you liked this birthday wish, just wait 'till you see the one I'm working on for your seventieth.

She's Breathing My Air: Ode to My Baby Sister

Being a kid is fun. You've got lots of free time on your hands (between coloring and not washing behind your ears), very few financial responsibilities (it pretty much boils down to not losing your milk money), and a built in enemy/accomplice in your siblings. This is particular true of younger brothers and sisters. My older brother and sister are more than ten years my senior (they're my half-siblings so, no, my Mom's not old. She'd kill me if I didn't point that out) so growing up, Jena and I were the only real "kids" in the house.

From time to time she served as an admirable officer in my war on adults. She was a good follower and even as a baby had an unnatural ability to scale tall objects (I remember her sitting on top of the refrigerator more than once). But more often than not, she served as the cold Russian winter to my Napoleonic ambitions. That's right, I just made a Napoleon joke. Who says I'm not brilliant? Well, Sister Rogue is turning 23 tomorrow (Wednesday) so I thought it might be appropriate to throw a few props (that's actor speak for heavy objects) her way.

Little Known Facts about Jena (Sister Rogue)

1. She houses and feeds an illegal alien -- No, I don't mean Pedro, her Guatemalan boy toy. I'm talking about the UFO-type aliens. She claims he is a "basset hound" but those that have met this interloper know the truth. He is an intergalactic bum, hellbent on spreading his outer space germs to unsuspecting guests visiting Jena's house. Fred (the Earth name she has given him) may look unassuming and gentle, but let down your guard for even a minute and his infectious mucous will cover you. Be ever vigilant!

2. Her tenure at Louisiana Tech has actually made me look like an accomplished student -- After spending all of five years attempting (and finally finishing) my undergraduate studies, I was sort of looked on as a slacker in the family. My mother had completed her BA in only three years (suck-up) and it was generally believed that I had just goofed off. Then along comes Sister Rogue. With five years already in the bag (including summer sessions, which I never attended) and at least another two quarters between her and graduation, Jena has made my path to graduation look almost fleet-footed. Thanks, Sis.

3. If I keep implying that she'll be my publicist when I get famous, I can talk her into doing stuff for me now-- "Jena, you know how when I hit it big I'm gonna put you on the payroll as my publicist? Well, right now the writer is not feeling so well and Ella's at work. Can you bring me something to eat?" or "Hey, Sis. I was just looking at the bank account and it seems like I'm a little short for the gas bill this month. Too bad I'm not a big famous writer yet, and you're working as my publicist making loads of money too! Could you loan me $50?" It's not that I abuse it, but it's nice to know that I've got her on a string.

4. She loves moving other people's furniture and belongings -- She wouldn't tell you this, but I know that it's true. Not once, but twice during the time we were both in college, Jena moved for both of us while I was working in Ohio. Sure, she complained about it at the time, but deep down I knew how much she liked relocating my junk. The sparkle in her eyes was enough to tell me how she really felt. So the next time you need to move, just get a hotel for the weekend about three states away. Then call Jena and tell her the keys to your new place and the old one are under her mat and the landlord wants you out before Sunday night. I'm sure she won't mind.

5. She's a true blond -- I may get disowned by her for telling this story, but journalistic integrity demanded it. One of Jena's best friends from high school has a reading disability. When it came time for them to get their Driver's Licenses, her friend passed with flying colors her first time. Jena asked about how hard it was and her friend replied, "It wasn't too bad. The sign test was a little confusing, but the written part was easy, since the tester read the questions to me."

This confused Jena, "They'll read the questions to you?" Before her friend could even confirm the DMV's allowance for her reading disability Jena continued, "Well, I guess they'd have to. You know, for the blind people."

Happy Birthday, Sis. I hope it's a great one. May you have as much fun in your 23rd year as you deserve (and only half as much as I did, not many humans can handle THAT much fun). From The Drunken Rogue to Sister Rogue, I love you...now watch out for those blind drivers!

The Historical Significance of February 2nd

It is, as most of you are aware, Groundhog Day. The tradition of allowing the prognisticating rodent to determine our hope (or despair) as concerns the upcoming weather forecast first started in America on this day in 1887. Punxsatawney Phil (that's a mouthful of a name) comes out of his groundhog house (I believe they call it a burrow) every year to take a look about. If he sees his shadow and hurries back into his hole then winter will last another six weeks, if on the other hand he is pleased with the day and noses around a bit, then we have an early spring on tap.

Today, the groundhog didn't see his shadow (or if he did, it didn't scare him) so winter will soon be over (thank God! If you'd like my opinion no winter thus far check out yesterday's post). What you might not know is that alot more than Punxsatawney's debut occurred on this day in history. Let's look at some of the highlights, shall we (of course we shall, I write these things, and I want to take a look at the highlights).

2/2/1971: Idi Amin takes power in Uganda -- One of the most fascinating and terrible world leaders in history, Amin is gaining a newfound recognition among young people because of the new movie "The Last King of Scotland" starring Forest Whittaker as Amin. He took power after leading a revolution claiming to be a man with the interest of the people at heart. He ended up a despot, tyrant, alleged cannibal and mass murderer. He was also a little crazy. Alright a lot crazy. He gave himself the title of "His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshall Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of all Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular." Yep, that whole thing is his title. (In case you were wondering, Idi Amin was forced out of Uganda in 1979. He recieved asylum in Saudi Arabia and died there in 2003.

2/2/1880: First electric streetlight installed -- Wabash, Indiana entered the electric era a little earlier than the rest of us, when an electric streetlight was installed on top of their courthouse on this day in 1880. The Wabashians liked it so much, a month later the town commissioned four more be installed. It was two months later that the first argument about an electric bill occurred.

2/2/1847: First Donner Party Member dies -- Boy, it's a big day in the history of cannibals, isn't it? The Donner party, the doomed farmers traveling west through the Sierra Nevada mountains, were unprepared for the harsh winter when they set out on their trip. Almost half of the original 87 travellers died during the trip and some of the survivors were forced to eat the remains of their companions to survive during their long ordeal. The first of the 42 deaths occurred today.

2/2/1979: Sid Vicious Dies -- No, not the wrestler. The Rockstar for which the wrestler was named. Sid Vicious, bassist and member of the creators of Punk Rock, "The Sex Pistols", had just been released on bail after being arrested for suspicion of killing his girlfriend when he was discovered dead of an overdose of heroin. One thing you can say about Sid, he was not boring.

2/2/1982: Late Night with David Letterman premiers -- Other than Johnny Carson, nobody has ever been more completely suited as a late night host than David Letterman, and it all started today 25 years ago. It's hard to believe but I've never known late night TV without Letterman. I hope I don't have to for a long long time.

Hmmm. A lot happened on February 2nd over the years. I'm forgetting something though...what is it? Oh, yeah...

2/21982: Ella Claire is born -- At the time not a lot of people probably noticed this event, nor understood the importance of it, but looking back it's only second to my birth in important events in my life. Happy birthday, Mrs. Rogue. I love you. I hope your next twenty-five years (you know, the ones where we actually have money) are even cooler than the first twenty-five.