I Hate Oscar! (**Sarcasm required**)

The elitist Academy proved once again last night that they've hidden their heads in the sand and made the safe and predictable choices instead of awarding the truly deserving. Is Martin Scorcese really the best director this year? Or is he just an Academy darling who wins every award he's up for? That's what I thought!

Jennifer Hudson winning an Oscar! Simon Cowell thought she was "out of her depth" and who is the Academy to second guess the fantastic judges of "American Idol"? You wanna know what the "Best Picture" was this year? I have two words for you. Ricky. Bobby. Will Ferrell could act circles around Leo Dicrappio, and in a heated back alley battle royale my money is still on Ferrell (I've seen what he can do with a pitchfork).

The rest of the awards weren't much better. Idi Amin won for "Best Actor" proving once and for all that Hollywood IS on the side of the terrorists (look forward to next year's feel-good film, "The Last Sheik of Baghdad: The Saddam Hussein Story." It'll probably win George Clooney another Oscar). "Borat" was cheated out of the "Best Adapted Screenplay" award. To showcase the glaring error the Academy made on this one, here's an excerpt from "Borat":

Borat: I like you, do you like me?
Driving Instructor: Of course I like you.
Borat: You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: You're a nice young man and, yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You will be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I won't be your boyfriend.
Borat: Why not?
Driving Instructor: Okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.

Moving. Compassionate. Challenging. Those are just a few of the words I could think of to describe that passage. It's genius my friends, overlooked genius. Now here's an excerpt from the film that beat out "Borat", "The Departed" adapted by William Monahan:

Frank Costello: Church wants you on your place. Kneel, stand, kneel, stand. If you go for that sort of thing, I don't know what to do for you. A man makes his own way. No one gives it to you. You have to take it. "Non serviam."
Young Colin: James Joyce.
Frank Costello: Smart, Colin. Guineas from the north and down Providence try to tell me what to do. And, uh, something maybe happen to them. Maybe, uh, like that.
[cuts to Costello executing two people on beach]

Well, you can't make it much more plain than that, can you? Not only could Mr. Monahan not write a movie on his own (he had to translate somebody else's) but then he goes and quotes other authors. It's called plagiarism buddy, and like Borat feels about Jewish people, I don't like it!

There were some things I liked about the awards:

1. With the invention of Tivo and the ability to skip commercials, the ceremony can now be viewed in just under 16 hours!

2. The lingering rumor that Martin Scorcese and George Lucas are actually the same person can finally be put to rest, since they appeared on stage together...of course, their best friend is Steven Spielberg...Lucas does own ILM...could it have been CGI'ed?

3. Al Gore didn't announce that he's running for President again, but he did imply that he invented motion pictures.

4. Since Eddie Murphy wasn't the one that beat Mark Walberg for "Best Supporting Actor" he gets to live. Sadly, Alan Arkin is not so lucky. Watch out for the Funky Bunch, Alan.

5. Jack Nicholson showed solidarity with his new love, Britney Spears.

Bonehead Plays: The Greatest Game of all Time and Why I Missed It

Let me preface this tale of woe with the following statement: I love football. But I REALLY love Pro-football. College pigskin can be exciting and exhilarating, but for me, the NFL is where it's at. (Incidentally, what is IT and why are we always looking for IT's location?)

Yesterday there was a football game. Truthfully there were a lot of football games, but two in particular were of interest to me, and the public at large. The first pitted two almost national championship teams against each other. The University of Southern California who after putting together one of the greatest multiple season runs in history stumbled towards the end of this season, was pitted against The University of Michigan, who many people felt deserved another shot at the #1 ranked team, Ohio State University. That was a good game, defensive in the first half with USC eventually pulling away for a big win.

The other game of interest featured The University of Oklahoma, a perennial powerhouse and challenger for the national championship, taking on an upstart that no one thought belonged there. The unwelcome team was Boise State University. The boys from the blue turf of Idaho had run roughshod over their (admittedly weak) Western Athletic Conference foes, as well as beating all their non-conference opponents. They were the only Division I team (other than the #1 ranked Ohio State Buckeyes) that remained undefeated. They were given absolutely no chance. The national media thought it was cute that such a small conference was represented in the BCS. I thought it was going to be a slaughter.

Oh, I was wrong. If not for a few lucky breaks falling Oklahoma's way, Boise might have slaughtered the Sooners. As it happened, Boise lead early, they lead late and they led large. Oklahoma fought their way back and it seemed that Cinderella's story had drawn to a close. But the slipper was still on her foot, and there weren't any pumpkins in sight. A total of 22 points were scored in the final minute and a half of regulation. Let's put that into context: Penn State and Tennessee played a Bowl game yesterday. They combined for 30 points in the ENTIRE game. Auburn and Nebraska only added up to 31, so did Arkansas and Wisconsin. Boise outscored all of those teams in the FIRST half.

Some rapid fire scoring to end the game does not (by itself) make a CLASSIC game. A thrilling end to overtime does though. Boise used about 100 different trick plays to pull off an amazing overtime touchdown drive and then made the guts and glory call to go for a two point conversion to win the game. What play did they use to score the two point conversion? A trick play called the "Statue of Liberty."

***QUICK SUMMATION FOR THOSE NOT EVEN MILDLY INTERESTED IN SPORTS*** The game was one of the most exciting and surprising sporting events in my (admittedly short) lifetime.

And I wasn't watching.

What was so important that I couldn't spare a few moments to watch sports history? Was a family member injured? Was I on a mission from God? (Nice Blues Brother reference, isn't it?) Was "Heroes" on NBC? NO! I was watching a movie, "World Trade Center" to be specific. It's a fine film, no doubts about it. I can easily and happily recommend it to others, but as a substitute for a spectacular sports moment, it fails miserably.

So, if somebody taped the damn thing send me a message. Because one way or another, I'm watching this game. Thank God for ESPN Classic.