Insanity Episode II: The Playoffs Strike Back

About a week ago, in a stadium at least several hours from here...

(Powerful musical fanfare, as the credits roll)

That's right, ladies (and girly-men) the Rogue is back with all the insight that you didn't even realize you needed about this exciting second round of the NFL playoffs. I know it's hard to imagine, but this week is actually MORE exciting than last week's matches. But first...

A moment of silence for those teams that are no longer with us.

The New York Giants - Tiki Barber was disappointed to find out that while his retirement OFFICIALLY began last Sunday, there weren't any immediate openings on the Today Show. He is, however, watching the Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump/Barbara Walters feud with great interest.

The Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City head coach, Herm Edwards, was of course disappointed to lose in the Wild Card round, but he's excited about his buddies Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith moving forward. When asked for a comment after the game, Edwards said, "Well, we are all really close so I figure if things don't work out here, I could always get an assistant coaching job for one of them, you know with a good football team."

The New York Jets - The New York fans are traditionally rabid at draft time, which is why the Jets are so excited to have exited the playoffs early. Sure, it puts them below the really bad teams in the league, like Detroit or Oakland, but it also keeps them ahead of perennial favorites like New England and Philadelphia. This ensures that they overpay for a medium range talent, instead of dropping a surprise talent in their lap at a bargain rate. New Yorkers hate surprises.

The Dallas Cowboys - While I'm not positive, I think construction of the Tony Romo statue in downtown Dallas has been put on hold indefinitely. It's probably for the best though, since the pure magnetism of Romo's Greek god-like form would inevitably cause traffic jams as B-list singers like Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood would constantly be visiting it.

The Indianapolis Colts - Wait a minute...these guys are still in it? I'm sorry, I just assumed they were out of it. They generally are this time of year.

So last week I went 2-2 as the New England Patriots and the Seahawks handled business, but the Indianapolis Colts and the Philadelphia Eagles surprised me with their ability to win with over-the-hill quarterbacks. Let's see how that works out for them this week.

The Indianapolis Colts vs. The Baltimore Ravens -- On a cold night in 1984 the Baltimore Colts vacated their home in Maryland and moved to the proverbial "greener pastures" of Indianapolis (I say proverbial, because, having never been to Indianapolis I cannot verify the greenness of their pastures). Well, on Saturday afternoon the chickens (or more correctly, the Ravens) come home to roost. Peyton Manning has been as tragically bad in the playoffs as he has been historically good in the regular season. While that didn't stop them from winning last week, it will sink them this week against the best defense in the league. Baltimore Ravens

The Seattle Seahawks vs. The Chicago Bears -- While Peyton Manning continues to wow in the regular season, and disappoint in the post-season, Rex Grossman is trying to establish the opposite in Chicago. The good news for Rex is that he actually has a terrific defense to lean on. Seattle, coming off a season riddled with injuries, is on the ropes and the combo of the Chicago Defense and Special teams will be enough to finish them off. In fact, I'd suggest that Lovie Smith not even put a quarterback into the game opting only for return yards on kickoffs and interceptions. Chicago Bears

The New England Patriots vs. The San Diego Chargers -- Bill Belichick, the dashingly handsome and devilishly intelligent New England coach, is all but undefeated in the playoffs as is his quarterback, Tom Brady. Marty Shottenheimer (coach of the San Diego Chargers) on the other hand hasn't won in his last five trips to the playoffs. His quarterback has never even been to the playoffs. So why would anyone give San Diego a chance? Why, in fact, are they actually the favorites in this game? Because Michael Jordan plays for San Diego. No, not the actual Michael Jordan, he (nearing fifty years old) probably wouldn't make a great football player anymore, but they have the football equivalent, a guy so much better than those around him that he makes them look amateurish. I'm talking about LaDanian Tomlinson. Nobody should ever bet against Michael Jordan. San Diego Chargers

The Philadelphia Eagles vs. The New Orleans Saints -- I should have put this game second on the list (since that's when it will be played) but I'm a Louisiana boy, and I have a lot riding on this game (emotionally, of course, I would never condone sports betting). The Philadelphia Eagles have pretty much owned the NFC (that's one of the two conferences in the NFL, remember) the last five or six years. They are currently the "hottest team" in the NFL (having won more in a row at the end of the season than anybody else), they have a wonderful receiving and rushing threat in Brian Westbrook, a level headed battle-tested quarterback, and one of the best coaches in the league. New Orleans has one of the best quarterbacks in the league, the best rookie receiver in Marquis Colston, the most talented (after Vince Young) rookie in Reggie Bush, a Pro Bowl rusher in Deuce McAllister, and the coach of the year in Sean Peyton. On paper it should be an incredibly close matchup. The difference maker is that the game will be played in the SuperDome in the rebuilding New Orleans. I might be willing to question the Saints, but I can't imagine that the people that will literally be overflowing the Dome this Saturday night will allow this Saints team to lose. Expect one of the greatest 12th men of all time to show up. Expect the Saints to shine. New Orleans Saints

Well, it's likely that this time Sunday I'll...well, I'll probably be asleep this time Sunday, but later I'll either be crying tears of joy over New Orleans win or just plain crying over their loss. I know you'll all be there with me in spirit, and that makes it so much easier. Till next week...that's the playoffs.